We are having a revival this week at our church. The preacher that is here was at our church back in 2008.Rach and I attended many services together. Since he was last here, he lost someone very special to him too...his wife. She lost her fight with cancer. He has since remarried , but today during our lunch service, he talked a lot about death and losing loved ones. I was hesitant to go today because I had spent the morning looking for flowers for Rachels Easter basket. You have no idea how hard it is to find the perfect flowers . Every time it gets harder and harder. And then there are the people in the store that always comment on what I am getting or on what they are getting and why they are getting it." I'm doing my daughters wedding"...good for you..I'm doing these for my daughter too...to take to the cemetery. Needless to say , I wasn't sure I should go to church. And then after he started his sermon ...I felt I was right in my thinking..But I stayed, and I am glad I did. He shared a statement that his mother in law made after he lost his wife, her daughter. She had already lost her daughters twin brother when he was only in his early 20's. He was electrocuted at work. He asked her how she had made it through that. She said" I decided to get better and not get bitter". I have thought about those words before, but was never able to put it all together. I hope that my life is a reflection of that. I say that not for comments of praise, but only for myself.I feel right now that my life has been suspended. I haven't had any opportunities ,other than this blog, to share about Rachel. I feel like everyone I know has heard it all ....and they have moved on. Obviously I am not talking about my family or my close friends.I just don't have the same feelings that I had. Maybe it is just the time for me to be quiet. I still feel God in a very real way. After I came home from church, I fixed Rachels Easter basket. I grabbed my camera and headed to the cemetery. As soon as I started the car I heard these words on the radio..
"Mama dont you worry about me..
Dont you worry about me".
I don't listen to country music.I don't know this song at all...don't even know why it was on a country station....all I know is that as soon as these words were sang, the sun came out.
I brought my little lamb her little lamb ..
Worthy is the, Lamb who was slain
Holy, Holy, is He
Sing a new song, to him who sits on
Heaven’s mercy seat
Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come
With all creation I sing
Praise to the King of Kings
You are my everything
And I will adore You
Clothed in rainbows, of living color
Flashes of lightning, rolls of thunder
Blessing and honor, strength and glory and power be
to You the only wise King
Filled with wonder, awestruck wonder
At the mention of your name
Jesus your name is power
Breath, and living water
Such a marvelous mystery
Everytime I visit your blog, my heart breaks for you. Please take your time. I don't condone the "bitter" route at all. But sometimes I think people forget that you've lost a piece of yourself when you lose a child. Who can determine the timeline?
ReplyDeleteBless you as you continue to heal and put your heart back together.
If I could hug you, I would:)
Debbie Slaughter