Carrying Her Heart

I am dedicating this site to my beloved daughter Rachel whose earthly life ended on Sept. 17,2009.This is just a glimpse of the path I walk through this journey of grief.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009


I spoke Sunday morning,briefly.I needed my church family to know how much I loved them and how thankful I was for everything everyone did for us. I made a few notes so I wouldn't leave anyone out, and I noticed that before I went up I was so nervous. This bothered me. I had spoke just the week before to hundreds of people I didn't really know.Pleading with them to search their hearts, get things right before they left the funeral service. It was the easiest sermon I ever gave.I floated up on the stage , no notes, no worries.The words just poured out of me. I don't even remember all of them .My sister ,Becki, has a friend in Houston who does. I wish she would call me and tell me. I want to remember every part. I want everyday to have that peace that I had the day of my daughters funeral. What gets in the way?Is it me? Is it the world?I need that feeling. I crave that feeling. I want you to have that feeling.Maybe its here but I choose not to feel it?This is what keeps me awake at night.Did I use all my faith up or did I know I just had that one opportunity .I pray for that peace, that passeth all understanding.

Monday, September 28, 2009


I'm so thankful for the almost 20 years I had with Rachel.I'm thankful for a husband who worked unbelieveable hours so I didn't have to work so I could be home with the kids.
Everytime I picture Rachel in my mind , she is smiling or laughing.We did a lot of laughing.We had a ton of inside jokes .She was my best friend.I try not to think about what I won't get to see her do and focus on all the things I was fortunate to see her do.So many memories flood my mind.When I think back I remember how much this world frustrated her.So many things she wanted to change.Her heart was so big.And so was her smile.Don't let another day go by without telling that person(you know who)you love them.Rachel knew how very much her entire family loved her.I'm so glad because in a matter of seconds life can change.Don't waste a minute of your time .Don't take a day for granted.Some of the last words I said to Rachel were "you've got time".Now go tell that person you love them.