A piece of her heart

I thought I would share with you a few entries from Rachels "heart". I was going to just scan them in, but her handwriting is hard to read at times. She could not keep up with how fast her words were coming.

Feb 19, 2007

Dear diary...would you call this a diary? A journal possibly? a small notebook that I'll write thoughts that matter to no one? Well, whatever its called, I'm addressing it and filling it with what I think. At this moment it seems quite pointless because I am going to be the only person reading this. As if someone will find it years from now , read it and find my life so fascinating that they publish it and it becomes a best seller. I doubt it. It will just be a form of mild entertainment. .....no it won't. Like I'll even have it years from now. Anyways, what does one write in a diary-book-thing in the first place? This will not be a slam book ! Why put people down in a book only you read? Would someone really have that bad of self issues that putting a cruel remark down on paper where they can read it over and over again makes them feel better about themselves? I don't understand. Calling another girl fat does not make you any thinner. Calling someone ugly does not make you prettier, and calling someone stupid does not make you smarter.Why is it in order to love ourselves we must make someone love themselves less?Seriously, if we know how miserable we feel on the inside, why would we ever want to bring someone to that level? Is it just the bitter satisfaction of knowing we aren't alone in our suffering?I will never comprehend the vast minds of high school girls,actually people in general. The human mind confuses me and frustrates me. So do the upside down hearts on the cover.It just doesn't look right and its at an odd angle ....so I want to fix it. My tv is also crooked. I need to adjust it.




There is so much more I could say , but I will save it for another day. I'm going to work on not over analyzing things and making everything complicated. Things can be what they appear. If I call something pretty it might just mean its pretty. Not everything has an underlying meaning to it. Not everything is a metaphor or symbolism for something else. The world is not a rhyming sonnet from a Shakespearean play.Roses are roses..birds are birds..and a man in a black cloak is just that. It doesn't symbolize death in real life. Its just a creepy cloaked guy. I'm so sick of people trying to make their lives and situations into something its not. Not everything is a stupid after school special. The jock hunk isn't going to fall for the quiet dork. The ugly nerd doesn't get the blonde cheerleader. Its just life. Movies do not depict real life. Its just simply a movie.Real life has only one script. Only one thing that tells you what to do and how to live. Its the Bible..Read it ...Live it..Its your instructions.Study 'em. I'm going to end here...seems like a good stopping point.
Until tomorrow,
Rach

(photo by tammy silvestrini)