To where you are

I did something I had not done since the funeral. I watched the memorial video that was made for that day. I had tried many times to sit and watch it. I have held it in my hand...and closed my eyes..and watched it play out in my mind . The other night, I could not sleep .I was going through my photos and I came across the file in my computer. As soon as the music started, I was back in that church,..down on the first pew...watching the video, and singing along with it. No one ever commented to me about my singing. I said something about the video to my husband right after the funeral, and he said..I heard you. I really didn't care if people heard me, I was just surprised that no one ever mentioned it. I could remember so well while I was watching it, which parts of the video made me cry harder at the funeral. I remember seeing Rach with that sweet smile on her face, and hearing the people respond to the photos. I know I will never forget any part of that day. Almost 2 years later and it is still so raw. I cannot share the video on here. There are many photos of other family members and I respect their privacy. It was very long anyway...2 songs long.. much longer than the man at the funeral home had asked for..too bad.. I say goodbye on my terms.. I will, however, share the songs that were played. Josh Grobins song. ...
"To Where You Are"
some songs you just can't read the lyrics to...you have to hear it.I hear it daily...


Who can say for certain?
Maybe you're still here
I feel you all around me
Your memories so clear

Deep in the stillness
I can hear you speak
You're still an inspiration
Can it be

That you are my forever love
And you are watching over me from up above?

Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile

If only for awhile
To know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are

Are you gently sleeping
Here inside my dream?
And isn't faith believing?
All power can't be seen

As my heart holds you
Just one beat away
I cherish all you gave me
Everyday

'Cause you are my forever love
Watching me from up above
And I believe that angels breathe
And that love will live on and never leave

Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile

If only for awhile
To know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are

I know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are

Friends are friends forever..

This past Sunday our church honored our graduating seniors. It is an emotional day for a normal person, so you can imagine how it feels for me. Some of the kids that were graduating had been in the youth group with Rachel. They had grown up together,taken trips together, and worshiped together. As the grads were standing down front, I noticed something that made me smile,and cry. This one senior was wearing his cross necklace that I had given to him. Honestly , I don't think I have seen him without it on since I gave it too him. This is not a photo from Sunday. I borrowed it off his facebook.



As you can see, he has the necklace on. There were several more photos where you could see it. I can't explain to you how it makes me feel to see it. I love that he wears it ..and I will keep him an extra one back just in case he wears his out. Our pianist played this song for our offering that day. It is also the song that Rachels choir sang at her last choir performance in high school..

Packing up the dreams God planted
In the fertile soil of you
I can't believe the hopes He's granted
Means a chapter of your life is through

But we'll keep you close as always
It won't even seem you've gone
'Cause our hearts in big and small ways
Will keep the love that keeps us strong

And friends are friends forever
If the Lord's the Lord of them
And a friend will not say never
'Cause the welcome will not end
Though it's hard to let you go
In the Father's hands we know
That a lifetime's not too long
To live as friends

And with the faith and love God's given
Springing from the hope we know
We will pray the joy you live in
Is the strength that now you show

We'll keep you close as always
It won't even seem you've gone
'Cause our hearts in big and small ways
Will keep the love that keeps us strong

And friends are friends forever
If the Lord's the Lord of them
And a friend will not say never
'Cause the welcome will not end
Though it's hard to let you go
In the Father's hands we know
That a lifetime's not too long
To live as friends

And friends are friends forever
If the Lord's the Lord of them
And a friend will not say never
'Cause the welcome will not end
Though it's hard to let you go
In the Father's hands we know
That a lifetime's not too long
To live as friends

To live as friends

Though it's hard to let you go
In the Father's hands we know
That a lifetime's not too long
To live as friends

No a lifetime's not too long
To live as friends

here's the video if you have never heard the song..I can see her standing on stage with her friends , arm in arm....just like it was yesterday..
" we'll keep you close.....as always"..

A day for remembering

What a week this has been ! Sunday mornings scholarship presentation went really well. But then that afternoon my dad had a gallbladder attack which ended in him having it removed on Wednesday . Thank the Lord that all went ok.
Sunday was a beautiful day all the way around. Church at New Cherry Grove was wonderful. Bro. Doug has the sweetest spirit. He wanted me to talk as long as I wanted to "if I could"..and talk about Rachel .."If I could"....I have no problem talking about Rach. That small church has so much love in it. I am so thankful to them for continuing to remember her. The whole service was about remembering. We also shared the Lords Supper together. The young man that received the scholarship,Garret , was so appreciative.He has a list of accomplishments that are a mile long. I used a quote in my speech to him that said " what we are is Gods gift to us, what we become is our gift to Him". Garret has many gifts. I urged him to continue to allow God to use him. He gave me a hug before I even finished talking. This young man is going to be something very special.

I did not present the scholarship to Amanda. Her dad was still in Australia and she wanted to wait for him. I did,however,get to speak with her after church. She came bopping up to me in the parking lot and someone said "Suzette this is Amanda"..I saw this girl with long brownish blonde hair parted on the side...not a lot of makeup, naturally beautiful...a hoodie...flip flops...also built like RACHEL..if you know anything about Rach..you know how much I loved every part of this. Amanda gives really good hugs too. I was so glad I got to have "real" conversation with both of them . I told Amanda how touched I was by her honesty..she said she had to be honest. The whole time I was talking to her, I was listening, but looking..at just how similar she was to Rach.



I realized how long it had been since I had had an opportunity to speak in front of people about her. I am thankful that God gave me grace enough to be able to go and share in that wonderful day.


"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus".

Presenting...

The "blog" has been down for a couple of days for them to straighten out some issues, so I haven't been able to make a new post. This coming weekend I will be giving two seniors the scholarship that is in honor of Rach. I was given the applications to read and was touched by what each of them had to say. The young lady that was chosen was so honest. She said she had hooked up with the wrong guy and was heading down the wrong road, and then she was saved and her life was turned around. Kids these days are all about these "fake" relationships. They text, they facebook, they do everything behind a screen. For some of them, they can't even have a conversation face to face. I was so impressed with her willingness to be so honest. She could have made up a story about needing money ,but she put it all out there. I don't know a lot of adults that would be willing to say " I was a mess". The young man who is also receiving a scholarship is actually Kenny's cousins son. What an application he had. He has already lived such a life of service to the Lord . I am praying for just the right words to say to them so they understand even tho it is not a huge scholarship, it means the world to me. One day ...one day... I will be able to really make a difference to someone . I just know that God will allow me to do that. I know that He can dream a much bigger dream than I can, so I am not putting any limits on it.
"Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass."psalm 37: 4-5

In her shoes

My Mothers day was a very long full day.It actually started on Saturday when I was gifted with a new tablet pc. I was very surprised and upset because that was a BIG gift...but...I LOVE it! Then Sunday morning came. I knew what I was wearing. My whole outfit was about wearing these


Rachels shoes..she wore them to graduation. I got so many comments on them.I loved being able to say " they are Rachels". I also put little touches here and there that only I knew were reminders for me that she is a part of everything I do.








The flowers and the butterfly from her Easter basket. They were perfect for the day.
All the kids sang How Great Thou Art. And a very special young lady sang I'll Stand By You. Rachel had sang that for our Mothers in 2008. It was such a sweet moment for me. I didn't have the panic that I usually have. I didn't have the fear. I just felt love.




After lunch we went to visit my Mother.Then later in the evening I went to Rachels garden to bring her some hydrangeas from my garden. They were her second favorite flower.Of course I didn't have a vase, so I put them in my dp bottle. I knew Rach would get a kick out of it.



It was so quiet there. I could see a lot of new flowers out ,but I was the only one there. I stayed longer than I usually do..waiting..hoping..missing..
I walked over to this huge old tree that is close her. I love the way the sunlight is filtered through the limbs. I stood there looking up , listening to the birds sing.

I took several pictures, trying to capture just how beautiful it is. Then as I went to sit on the bench that rest under the tree, I saw something that I had not noticed before.




How could I...the biggest candy eater in Vidor, not seen this kiss???? I had to pick it up.


It was hard still, even though it was hot and humid. A kiss ..for me..on Mothers day. I sat and watched the sun as it began to set. It was a huge and glowing.


In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.john 1 4-5

Pain in the offering

Very soon Mothers day will be here. I have planned a Muffins with Moms on Sunday morning for all the ladies in our church. I am not as anxious as I was last year. I look at things different now. I know how it all feels..I know how much it all hurts. That is what I think about now. Not IF it will be hard, but how hard will it be. I am keeping my heart open tho, and my hopes high. God has been so very good to me, I am expecting something great to happen.

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name..

Something beautiful