Yesterday was field trip day for Kaitlin.She agreed to go IF I went too.She rode on the bus and I followed them.We went to the Lutcher Theater in Orange to see Frog and Toad, the play. It was really good. I have to admit though that my stomach was in knots following the buses there,considering how last week was.I don't like feeling that way.There is such a hyper-sensitivity to everything.I even noticed in the play there were a lot of references to death."Oh I'm gonna die" dead die= death =blah blah blah ,I thought some of it was unnecessary.I tried to see KK out of the corner of my eye.I tried to not react so that she would not.She seemed to not notice(I hope).I checked her out of school early and headed to Mickey D's.After a few errands I decided to go ahead and get Kennedy early from school to save me a trip back to town.She came down the hall wide eyed and almost pale"WHY ARE YOU GETTING ME EARLY"?.I realized the last time I had checked her out early was Sept. 17...
I explained to her how our day ended early all the while trying to find just the right tone so she knew I understood how she felt ,but without adding anymore to her fear.I told her I would try not to surprise her anymore.Why didn't I think of that?The last thing I want to do is add to her sorrow.There were no tears ,I just knew how she felt and I hated that for her.Being almost 4 months into this process,I have learned a lot but I would never be so unwise as to say I know it all.Every day is a learning process.Some days I redo the same lesson over and over.
I had pressed some rose petals that I saved from the funeral.They turned out beautiful.The colors in them are amazing, but they are so fragile.You have to be very careful with them when you handle them.That's how my little girls are.When you look at them ,they are just so beautiful. I have to remember just how very fragile they are.
OH Suzie..i know GOD is helping you more than ever. I'm very THANKFUL that you have HIM to carry you through. My continued prayer that HE willgive you strength and faith to carry you and your family through each day. Love you..pauline & hyle
ReplyDeleteI don't believe there is an instruction book for how to get through this but we are all praying daily for you and your family. I think you are doing the best anyone could do. You are all so loved. I know we can't fill the emptiness that you have in your heart but I know God will. Sherri
ReplyDeleteI read this today, and it made me remember what happened to me about a week ago. A few weekends ago, I went to New York for Drill Team... I bought a lot of things, including a new wallet... Last week I was finally getting around to changing to my new wallet. I began to clean out my old one.All of a sudden I came across an early dismissal pass. It was for the date September, 17, reason 3, the time for dismissal was the time it was written. I didn't know what was going on. I think I just shoved it in my wallet and went down stairs to find my mom white as a ghost and not speaking to me... I replay that moment in my head every single day...
ReplyDelete