God is in the details

I've been trying to remember all of the things that happened before ,during,and after the wreck.The week prior ,it was almost like God had a checklist of things for me so saying goodbye would not be as hard.I was given a song that said"Christians never die,they just move away to a land of perfect peace one never ending day.In the presence of Jesus take comfort in this -somethings never lost when you know where it is."I thought it was powerful but had no idea of its true power.A couple of days later I watched a movie that had the E E Cummings poem "I carry your heart" in it.I couldn't get either of them out of my head.The next week I had such an urgency to share them with Rachel.In the car I played just the chorus of the song for her, told her I had never heard it put like that before , we talked about who could sing it. The same week I pulled the poem up on my computer and had her read it.She said she knew that poem and she loved it. That Thursday she was leaving to go to work.I made some peanut butter toast and then I jumped up to go to a garage sale down the street.There was an urgency in that too.Didn't fix my hair.Didn't brush my teeth 'just go -just go" is all I heard. When I got to the end of my street I saw people looking towards a fire truck.I remember saying out loud"not my baby" over and over.Then screaming it when I saw the car. The song .The poem.They both came in my head immediately as soon as I came upon the wreck.I knew as soon as I saw the car,she was gone.My whole body ached.I could feel my heart breaking.I felt a pull as if part of me was trying to go with her. Its was so intense,and so hard to put into words.I knew before they ever told me she was gone.I never saw her body leave the car. All I ever saw was her car.They said it was instantaneous.No suffering.When she was born it was so quiet and so quick, I had to ask them to make her cry.She left this world the same way she came in it. I find some peace in that.