The dream

It's very odd to me how sometimes I can think about Rachel or talk about Rachel and it doesn't afffect me,and then I can be doing the very same thing with someone else and I'm a mess.It's usually with people that didn't really know her or with someone who really understands my loss .I guess to look at someone that knows that pain , to see my pain on someone elses face is just too much. The hardest thing for me is to see Kennedy's(my 10 year old) grief.Tonight was especially hard.She told me that she had a dream last night that we were in outerspace and we were standing on a star.Someone else was there but she didn't know who they were.They gave her a fruit roll up.On the roll up it said"if you eat this you will die ,and see Rachel." She said she ate it but she didn't die.I fumbled for words, some sort of reassurance for her that she was just missing Rach and she stayed on her mind while she was sleeping. I asked if she was praying before she went to bed and she said she prayed at least 2 times a day.Later at bedtime I heard Kennedy say ,as she always does,"goodnight Rachel".but this time she could barely talk she was so emotional.I ran to her side to try again to comfort her.She just wants to see her one more time was all she could say.I told her the next time we see her we will see her forever. I know her little mind and heart does not understand.Seeing my pain on my childs face is very hard.I prayed for her so hard , so loud ,over her sobbing.(In our weakness ,He is strong.)
I wonder if I would have eaten the fruit roll up if it were my dream?Rachels boy/friend told me he felt closer to her now than before.He said its like shes ALWAYS with him.I want that feeling for my child.Sweet dreams tonight Kennedy.