9 Months In His Hands

My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
psalm73:26
Today is June 17th, and it's Thursday.9 months of grief. Back in October , I posted about the day of the wreck.I wrote that after Rachel left for work, a few minutes later I got up to go to a garage sale that was just down the road. There was such an urgency in my mind to go. Here's the rest of that story. The house that was having the garage sale was right off of Hwy 105. I had been to the house before ,several months earlier, for a garage sale on a Wednesday. Everyone knows that garage sale day is Wednesday, it always has been. This sale on September 17..was on a Thursday. My Mom is the queen of garage sales.She can spot one 2 miles away ,( even if she
has the seat reclined so she can take a nap on the way back from Canton).....she had to drive passed the sale to get to my house that day....she didn't see it. Mrs. Rachel and her daughter Melissa were at my house as soon as they heard about what happened.They too are frequent garage "sale-rs"....they also had to pass it to get to my house....they didn't see it.Sure they were distracted and not looking for one, but ...I will always wonder ..was there a garage sale???I thought about stopping and asking the people if they had a sale that day...then I decided it just didn't matter... Even so ,it is very hard for me to go to garage sales now. I loved going to them. I've tried to go 2 times since September...it's just too hard.. The feelings I had when I was rushing out to go to that sale..I could hear so loud the words " just go".."get up"..." go " .."go"....Was it the Holy Spirit? Was it an Angel? I grabbed my purse and I left... I don't think I had more than 3 dollars in my purse..GO...GET UP ... GO.. Some days when I get to the end of the road, I just sit there and look at the marks that are STILL in the road.Sometimes I think ...I not going to be able to keep living here......but in my heart I know that moving will not make my pain go away... this pain that has taught me so many things..things about myself, and others. I do look at things different now. I have a lot less
tolerance for people whining about their "bad day"....really???? let me tell you what a bad day is..I know that's wrong.. I know that life is hard for a lot of people for a lot of reasons... I try to look at a lot of things differently now...I look at people different.. In some areas of my life I do still have a fog, but in other areas I know I see things more clearly than others do.I'm still the same sinner saved by grace.. I just have the knowledge of knowing how quickly we can go from standing...to kneeling ....on the side of the road...
This is one of my favorite songs.When I feel myself falling, I sing this song..If you would rather listen to it than read it, you can click on the title of this blog and it will pull up the video
Your Hands

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn't there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That You would take my pain away
That You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crookedly lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

When You walked upon the Earth
You healed the broken, lost, and hurt
I know You hate to see me cry
One day You will set all things right
Yea, one day You will set all things right

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

Your hands
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave You when...

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave...
I never leave Your hands