:(

This week I was visiting with a friend and we were talking about how we felt a connection with each other even though we only saw each other for a few minutes a week at church.Its a different kind of love than what you have for your family.You're supposed to love your family.This kind of love can only come from abiding in Jesus,and Him abiding in us.That is the tie that binds us.It is so special to see those friends look at your kids and see what you see in them.I am blessed to have that feeling with quite a few members of our church.Some of them encouraged me when I was growing up,and now they are there for my kids.Its amazing how these people can impact your life in such a small amount of time.
I lost one of those very dear people on Saturday night.This lady was the piano player at the little church in Gist.She played like you would dream of playing,so amazing.She was happy playing at that little church for just a handful of members for many years.She always was so encouraging to me,and to Rachel.She saw in Rach what I did.My heart goes out to her family.My heart has been very heavy today.At my church we have been practicing for our Christmas program "The Bells of Christmas".The kids are playing the hand bells and saying a few poems.I realized today I hadn't asked anyone to work the sound for me for the program.I usually didn't have to. Rachel always made my cd's, and helped me with my music.Having to say out loud that my helper was not here, was so painful.I couldn't even do my children's sermon this morning.I couldn't even stay in "big church". I had to leave.I am sad.I was sad all day.I am sad for my friends family.I am missing my daughter.My oldest son came by this evening.He was wearing a cap with long braided threads hanging down the sides like ponytails.He looked so much like Rach, I could hardly bare to look at him.He asked me what was the matter , and I told him.I told him how much he looked like her.I told him how much I missed her.I asked him if he ever dreamed about her, or if he ever heard her talk to him, just wanting to know that he still felt close to her.He said "not yet" , and then he put his head down and took a big breath and looked at me and said,"but sometimes when I'm driving my truck I can see her sitting in the seat with me."I was so glad he shared that with me.The two of them were so close when they were growing up(Talk about a connection.)I know he has the same emptiness that I have in my heart.
According to Griefshare going through grief is like going through a tunnel. The bad news is the tunnel is dark. The good news is that once you enter into that tunnel, you are already on your way out.



"How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?" (Psalm 13:2)

Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow.