This side of Heaven

Since February is the month of "love", I thought I would let some of those closest to Rachel share a love letter with you.This first one is from my sister...

How do you wrap up a life in three days?

That was the question I kept asking myself during the days following Rachel's accident, as I stood beside Suzette and watched her take care of the necessary funeral arrangements. How do you honor this child's life in this moment? If you were there, then you know the care and attention that was given to each and every detail. And, how beautiful it was.

Suzette has given me the opportunity to honor Rachel in my own way by writing a guest post here on Rachel's blog. I think she's either having writers block or feeling sorry for me because of a recent foot injury that has left me stuck at home for a few days. Most likely the latter because I don't think she will ever run out of inspiration to share with us.

I could write pages and pages about my own personal grief, the loss of a young person, the effects on a family, fear, faith, sadness...on and on. Those are all very important and relevant, however I want to share some of the lessons and experiences of grace that have occurred in the past year. All with the intention of honoring Rachel and her memory.

Right about now I'm wishing I had made notes to keep this cohesive, but I didn't, so because this isn't for a grade I'm gonna shoot from the hip and keep it conversational.

One of the first sermons I heard at my church following the accident was titled "How to Recover From Your Worst Day Ever". I wanted to eat it up and roll my eyes all at the same time. How was I going to sit through this? As if, right? One of the talking points of the sermon was about controlling our emotions, to find joy in life even when it's hard. My husband had given me this same pep talk. Man, let me tell you that takes some conscious effort and discipline. And prayer. And when I am being conscious, I see the blessings and that brings a little bit of healing.

A result of this consciousness has been the lessons learned from this experience.
One lesson is that everyone has a story or profound experience that they are carrying with them that effects them every day of their lives. I may not know what it is, but I know it's there.

There are many messages of love woven through Suzette's blog, especially the recurring "Love Never Fails". It's no accident. The relationship between Suzette and Rachel was and is a beautiful example of Agape love. The commitment of forgetting self and giving oneself away to others. Rachel lived that way and it's a beautiful reminder for me as a woman and a mother. Suzette's mothering skills inspire me to love my family unconditionally, which is the pinnacle of love.

Last summer our family vacationed in California for the first time. One of our hikes led us to a very isolated and windy beach near Big Sur, where the ocean throws big tree size pieces of driftwood up on the shore. Campers use this wood to build wooden igloo style shelters in the sand to protect themselves from the elements. Their size is very deceiving..my whole family fit in one:

Burned pieces of campfire wood had been used to write on the inside walls of the huts. We left this:

Her favorite scripture which ends with...."the greatest of these is Love".

We take memories of her everywhere we go. I love knowing these words are there, that her name is there, that someone might read the words and know they are loved.

At my neighborhood grocery store, there is a young girl that works there whose name is Rachel. She spells it the same as Rach did. I go to her line just to say her name.

Sometimes, little special "things" happen when we don't expect it. Suzette has shared some of her experiences here. Last September 17, the one year anniversary of Rachel's accident, I reached into a purse I hadn't carried for a while to find a small silver heart that was part of a flower arrangement from Rachel's funeral. I thought I had lost it. I loved finding it that day.

It's hard to share with someone how much I miss Rachel without going into the "ugly" cry. My many close friends and my husband are so patient and let me get it out. In grief, we sometimes pine for ones we have lost. It feels unresolved. Especially when a young life is lost. People ask me what she was like...I often say she was golden, like something so precious and beautiful that it almost hurts your eyes to look at it, like the picture at the top of this blog.

I loved her like this:

My deepest and truest belief is that one day I will see Rach again in Heaven, and we'll sing and praise God together again. Until then, I have her picture taped to the back of my guitar and I rarely pick it up to play that I don't think about her or sing to her in my heart.

Now...a funny aunt memory:

When Rach was really little...maybe 2 or 3 and was learning to count she would say

"......17, 18, 19, Dentyne!"

I hope that makes you smile.

Thank you Suzette, for letting me share a little of what Rachel means to me. I love you.

b~