My Ascent

I gathered my books last night to study for my Beth Moore class. She tells us to take our places on our faces before we start. I did. There are times when I feel that I can't get low enough to pray. I asked God to show me what he wanted me to hear.To really open my eyes. As soon as I started reading this weeks lesson, I knew it was going to be hard. I had said in the beginning if this class was only for me, then I was willing to lead it. This lesson was written for me. It read like it was written TO me. I struggled to keep reading it, but I knew that I needed to. I could hear part of myself saying, stop...just stop..someone else can do it.But I know that God's timing is always right. I kept reading, and I kept studying. The first part that I read that signaled "trouble" for me was in the Leader guide, number 5 ...I'll type it verbatim for you..
5. Invite other women to share a story if they chose to do so.Then ask for other circumstances when women may despair because of difficult situations(such as loss of spouse , child, .... this is where I lost it.
I wonder who I could ask to share??? Really? Was this really what was going to happen? I've said it all.They all know my story.This is what flooded my mind. I sat the book down and told myself I couldn't do it. And then I picked up the study book and just started reading.
The lesson was on Psalm 125.
A song of ascents.
1 Those who trust in the LORD are like Mount Zion,
which cannot be shaken but endures forever.
2 As the mountains surround Jerusalem,
so the LORD surrounds his people
both now and forevermore.

3 The scepter of the wicked will not remain
over the land allotted to the righteous,
for then the righteous might use
their hands to do evil.

4 LORD, do good to those who are good,
to those who are upright in heart.
5 But those who turn to crooked ways
the LORD will banish with the evildoers.

Peace be on Israel.

We take them verse by verse and come to a deeper understanding of each line.The question was " how can we say God has been good to us when He has allowed us to encounter trouble and sorrow.? and here is what I read in the study book.....
" What about when something deadly happens such as when we lost loved ones who loved God? Where was God's surrounding presence then? That's where the ultimate trust enters in. If we believe God's words are true,when tragedy strikes we've got to believe God has us so tightly interwoven in His care that we are instantaneously swept to Heaven.God never more closely surrounds us that when He lifts us to His breast and carries us home......." INSTANTANEOUSLY......the one word I needed to hear , the only word I remember on the autopsy report...this part has tortured me more that anyone has ever or will ever know. I went through a season of hearing her scream MOM and hearing the sound of the crash.. I even wrote a song about it..and then God took that pain away from me. Given everything that I know from that day, I have no doubt that this sentence is true for me. Wednesday will be here sooner that I would like. There will be no cute "story" to go together with our lesson.There will just be me.
The next part of the study went to Psalm 126 Psalm 126
A song of ascents.
1 When the LORD restored the fortunes of[a] Zion,
we were like those who dreamed.[b]
2 Our mouths were filled with laughter,
our tongues with songs of joy.
Then it was said among the nations,
“The LORD has done great things for them.”
3 The LORD has done great things for us,
and we are filled with joy.

4 Restore our fortunes,[c] LORD,
like streams in the Negev.
5 Those who sow with tears
will reap with songs of joy.
6 Those who go out weeping,
carrying seed to sow,
will return with songs of joy,
carrying sheaves with them.

the last 2 verses are my favorites.
This lesson is for me. The last words of the book that I read were
" On this mysterious pilgrimage we will find that when we do meet difficulties and sorrows,they were not meant to stop us but to form the character required for our great harvest in the coming season. STEP INTO YOUR FUTURE,PRECIOUS ONE. SOMETHING WONDERFUL AWAITS YOU.

Wonderful Wednesday awaits....