Carrying Her Heart

I am dedicating this site to my beloved daughter Rachel whose earthly life ended on Sept. 17,2009.This is just a glimpse of the path I walk through this journey of grief.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

It finally came

I've spent the last couple of days battling with the monument company.The headstone was ready for delivery this week.Without my permission they went and laid the foundation.They tried to set it up but the lady I ordered it from stopped them. I had requested to be there for any part of it.I wanted to say where it went.Rachel is very close to a tree, and then there are other graves to consider.Needless to say ,I was not very happy.There were also problems with the headstone.I was so disappointed.Until this point everything had been so great,so easy. I explained to them how patient I had been, and how very few request I had made.That foundation was mine.The headstone is mine.The place where is was put is MINE. That is all I have left.I wanted them to understand WHO this is for!!!! They got the message....Friday morning at about 10:20 it was delivered. It was misting rain on and off.My brother was there which meant I didn't have to worry about straightening anybody out. The lady I ordered it from came out with them too. Mr.John and Pancho brought me my angel. Mr.John reminded me of Morgan Freeman in Driving Mrs.Daisy.He moved very slow , but with a purpose. He's been doing this for 24 years. Pancho has only been helping a little while.They were both so accommodating.They were ready to make it right.Whatever I needed. The first thing I noticed was how sweet the air smelled. There was a huge ligustrum right by us in full bloom. The rain disappeared. It took awhile for them to set the base, and right away I noticed 2 black marks on it.The lady said it was marks for them to know where to set the angel and that they would wipe off .Then they set the angel.It is so beautiful.Every step they stopped and made sure it was ok. They checked and rechecked to make sure it was measured right.I asked him if those marks would wipe off. Mr.John said they were in the stone.I told him what the lady said and he just shook his head. We set the vase on and that took a while to get it all looking like I needed it to look. Right at the end Mr.John asked me if I wanted him to move the angel up to hide the black mark in the stone.He said he knew it was gonna bother me. We moved it. It is perfect.Pancho got a bucket and a brush and very gently began to wash the headstone .Nothing was rushed. He made sure every part was clean, and then took his hand and rinsed it all off. Robin,my son, came about that time. Mr.John asked me one last time if everything was ok. I told him it was fine, and that I guess those were the marks for the angel ....he just didn't know it. I think between my comments and Bruce's , they are still trying to figure us out.There is always time for a laugh, it's just the way we are. ..Before they left Pancho took his whisk broom and swept the marker next to Rachels off. He spent a lot of time on it. He never looked up to see if anyone was watching , he just did it. I wipe it off when I go too, but not the way he did. He has the right heart for this job. Well by now I'm sure you are wondering where the photos are???? That will be the next post.I wanted you to know the story when you see them. You have been here with me every step of the way, so I just wanted you to be able to feel this too. I worried that once I got the angel there, I wouldn't like it, or it wouldn't be big enough , or blah blah blah..... I love it. I don't think it could ever be big enough ..so this one is fine. People tell me they think the angel looks like Rachel. It does remind me of her too.I understand that people do not become angels , (but they can appear in different forms)but, the angel is holding a heart. That is the part that means the most to me. Rachel left part of her heart here, figuratively , and literally.Everyone that knew her and loved her has a part of her heart , and my hope is that her heart donations were able to be used. That is what it represents to me.The guarding of HER heart....the one that we carry.

1 comment:

  1. Yanno...it has always taken ALOT to render me speechless... yet, just as the other day when you said it was in, all I can think to say or do is offer a hug. No words. I don't think you need words--just love and hugs.
    There hasn't been a doubt in my mind that you would have picked out the perfect angel for your angel. I'll be ready for pics!

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