Tragic

I have wrestled since Sunday morning with writing a new post. Homecoming, parades, even a volleyball tournament all have faded to the background. On Sunday morning after church an 18 year old senior from our school lost his life. For reasons that we may never know, he was laying in the railroad tracks. The train blew the whistle and tried to avoid.....I didn't know Matt. I just know about him. He played varsity football and everyone loved him. He had only lived in our town for a couple of years. I don't know why his death has had such an effect on me. I guess because so much of what has been said about him mirrors things that were said about Rachel. He made people laugh, he helped them with problems, he was the one everyone looked too...I went to his Facebook to read what his friends and family said. I did read several that said they wished they had told him how much he meant to them. That's the part that has kept me in my "cocoon" as my friend calls it. What else has to happen before we really decide to open our hearts and our mouths and let the people that are "so special" to us know now how we feel. We just assume that everyone knows. I don't know what happened to this young man that he felt this was his only option, or if it truly was just an accident. I don't think we will ever know. I just want to know that out of all these hundreds of kids, teachers, coaches, etc..that lives have been changed. This morning the first thought I had was that his mom has to go and tell him goodbye. It is a feeling that you cannot explain. It is comforting to see so many come and be with you, but inside..inside ..its just one long scream. I saw a photo that was taken at the cemetery from this young mans burial. They had brought the inflatable pirate skull that they walk through before the games and his teammates and his coach carried him through for the last time. As a courtesy to his family, I chose not to share the picture.
How quickly your life can change. How quickly a life can end. I know this is not the type of post I usually make. I still know God is in control. I am just like everyone else ...trying to sort things out. So tonight as I sit and type in the darkness, I hope that you can understand . And I hope that it does not take a tragedy to make you see the people in your life as special and you make sure that they know how you feel. Because I know how hard it is to say goodbye knowing that my daughter knew how very special she is too me..
"and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you"
I carry your heart, I carry it in my heart.