Still living with your goodbye

We took a few days off and went to the lake. It was nice to be away,even tho it was a quick visit. I find myself to be in a place that I am not comfortable in. I feel like I keep hitting the same brick wall.I don't know what I can do, or need to do , different.It's like my own kind of "Groundhog Day"..I keep counting the months until September..its June already...July,August,...and then September. Maybe this is what they mean when they say the second year of grief is harder.This year flew by and so much of it is a blur,.but I keep telling myself it will get better. I see glimpses of "better" every now and then. I came across something today that made it better..



It is a CD Rach made for me a couple of years ago. You see it says "heart" Rach. She signed her name that way alot. If she wrote a note to me or one of her friends , it was heart and Rach.I am amazed at how many things I find with a heart on it that I never really paid attention to before. I love finding this CD. I am afraid that very soon there will be no more "winks" to find..I don't know what I will do then. But today, I am thankful for this one, and the smile that her smiley face gave me. I remember playing that cd with her in the car. She was my Tim .I was Faith Hill, and she was my Tim McGraw. Even tho she could sing circles around me, she was happy to just be the harmony and let me pretend. It was so easy to sing with her. It was something we did always. We knew what songs we had to sing on...and even tho she would say " I hate country music"..she would sing it with me..
I love you Rach.