Carrying Her Heart

I am dedicating this site to my beloved daughter Rachel whose earthly life ended on Sept. 17,2009.This is just a glimpse of the path I walk through this journey of grief.

Friday, March 19, 2010

IIWWMS




This week has been so hard.I think a lot of my sorrow was actually left over from last week on spring break.I held so much in because I wanted the little girls to be able to just ,well, be little girls.They smiled and laughed the whole week. I smiled too ,and held my memories and my sorrow in.Well, it all came out this week.There were also a lot of things new to face.The headstone, the six month marker...Rachs sweet friend Brittni reminded me that from now on every 17th of March ,everyone will be wearing Rachs favorite color..I knew I had been in the "fog" of grief ,but I have realized that after I am through it I always have more clarity about something that has really been on my heart,or something really good happens. I realize it is all a slow process,and I know it WILL get better.I was feeling so low on the 17th and so many friends sent me sweet messages about how I encourage them and inspire them...which made me twinge at first because I just was feeling so low.But then this morning happened.It was so foggy this morning,so grey and just funky.As I was taking the girls to school I looked over ,as I do every morning, to look for the sun .I love seeing the sun rises and the sunsets(I hope you know why).When I looked over this morning ,I really didn't expect to see much because of the fog.Oh my gosh...the sun was so bright you could hardly look at it.It was just this huge ball of light shining, and through the trees you could see the rays cutting through the fog.It was breath taking.So much so that I had to pull my car over.And thats when I realized what a I was seeing was a great reflection of my life.The fog of grief in my heart,in my head, in my whole being .And then there is the SON...shining so bright and cutting through all my grief and pain.But ...here's the thing.How many people drove passed it or through this morning and never saw it.They never even turned their heads to see the sun.Its the same way with The SON. He's there...always,just like the sun , but can you see Him or feel Him in YOUR darkness.And then there are those that even though I wasn't seeing Him, they could see Him working through me.So for today,the fog has not lifted, I can just see "the light" shining through it.My goal is to be able to use I I W W M S as my mantra..It Is Well With My Soul..read the words slowly....

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Refrain:
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life,
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

But Lord, 'tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul.

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul

2 comments:

  1. Suzie... that was one of Uncle James' favorite song. I'll never forget at his funeral service the man that sang it was beautiful.. it was uncle james's way of telling us (his family) not to worry.. IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL. You and your family have been in my tho't this past week. Asking God to give you courage,and strength to meet each day and challenge. Love ya'll aunt pauline & hyle

    ReplyDelete
  2. This whole post speaks to me, Suzette. Thank you for sharing so much. I have to say, any time I think about IIWWMS, I think of a choir singing it and crescendoing with such power on the last 2 lines. I can hear it clearly in my head and heart.

    I love you. <3

    ReplyDelete