A different kind of September

So much has happened since I last posted. God has been so good to me. There have been two more precious lives that have been taken, and I have been wrestling with my own grief and wanting this September to be different.....it will be.
I have been awake since 3:37 . I know because I looked at my clock as soon as I woke up.
I guess I should say bolted up.
I had a Rachel dream. I have only had a few . This one was so precious. It was only a piece of a dream so it will be hard for me to explain it all to you.
I was at my parents house with the girls. We were upstairs talking to them . I say them because I really can't remember which one it was. It felt like it was both of them , but I could only see one child. It was at night and it was kinda dark in the house. I could hear my mom talking. I don't remember all of it but she kept saying "Rachel" in her sentences. Rachel loves you...Rach is always with us.. I remember walking down the stairs and stopping and thinking " I'm gonna see if she shows up"...weird huh.?
Well guess who came walking out of nowhere!!!!! Not from a door or hallway...it was just a really dark area and she was there. She had on her usual...T-shirt and some jeans. Her hair was pulled up ...and not a spec of makeup. GORGEOUS!!!! She sat down beside her sister (no one else saw her) and put her arm around her. I was talking to myself ...I was hearing my thoughts. I was so excited ..I crouched down on the stairs to watch. .I was saying I'm gonna keep staring at her and see if she sees me . You know how you stare at someone when you want their attention ???? (The whole time I am noticing every detail about her.) She looked over at me and smiled ....She sees me!!!!!!!!! Wow her teeth her white!!!! They are perfect and so white,. She waves at me with Both of her arms. I felt it necessary in my dream to note that. Then she put then both on her chest like they do in the movies for a dramatic effect and looked at me like Oh I love you so much .. and then with both hands she blew me a kiss. And mouthed I love you to me. I kept saying I see you ...I see you. It was magnificent. So beautiful.
I woke up immediately and was in panic mode. I felt like something was wrong ..I immediately started praying for our two sons who are both living out of town now...because I didn't know what was the matter. Then I remembered the dream. That's why I was so excited . It wasn't panic. And I just laid there going over it again and again . Afraid to go back to sleep in case I forgot any part of it.
She waved with both her arms .
And then I remembered my song that my sweet friend sang for me at Rachel funeral....
(Yes I know I posted this song last year on Sept 14...lol..it will always be with me)
This September will be different...and I pray that I am too.
**** I just remembered ******
The last thing we were doing before I put the girls to bed was trying to find a shirt for KK to wear with our school team on it. Hers from last year was way to small. All of Kennedy's were huge. I went and pulled out Rachel's "pirate" T-shirt that Kennedy wore last year. Kks face beamed when she saw it. She knew ..she said ... yes !! I ll wear it tomorrow !!! We all just stood there not saying what we all were feeling, ...just smiling and nodding in agreement.. getting to wear the shirt...Huge step. And doing it with a smile. So of course Rach was on my mind when I drifted off to sleep.



I wonder if this was the T-shirt she had on in my dream??????

Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed—in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed. 1 cor. 15:51



When I think back On these times And the dreams We left behind
I'll be glad 'cause I was blessed to get To have you in my life
When I look back On these days I'll look and see your face
You were right there for me

In my dreams I'll always see you soar Above the sky
In my heart There will always be a place For you for all my life
I'll keep a part Of you with me
And everywhere I am There you'll be
And everywhere I am There you'll be

Well you showed me How it feels To feel the sky Within my reach
And I always Will remember all The strength you Gave to me
Your love made me Make it through Oh, I owe so much to you
You were right there for me



'Cause I always saw in you My light, my strength
And I want to thank you Now for all the ways
You were right there for me You were right there for me For always

In my dreams I'll always see you soar Above the sky
In my heart There will always be a place For you for all my life
I'll keep a part Of you with me
And everywhere I am There you'll be And everywhere I am There you'll be
There you'll be

Sunday schooled

Yesterday I did something I hadn't done in about 8 years. I went to an adult Sunday School class. I wasn't sure if I was feeling excited or guilt or both...it just felt different. Of course the lesson was on service. (I recently stepped down from all of my positions in our children's department.) But what was amazing to me was one of the first verses that was read . We were studying Jeremiah, Chapter 1.

4 The word of the LORD came to me, saying,

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew [a] you, 5 before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations. ”



6 “Ah, Sovereign LORD,” I said, “I do not know how to speak; I am only a child.”

OK..When Rachel was in the youth department at some point this next verse was read to her by someone. She only had to hear it once. She got it. She understood it. I remember her being upset about not being able to do something at church, and she said " what about that verse in Jeremiah"???? I always thought she was talking about a different verse. When I heard this being read ..,as I stared at it in my book ..I could hear her voice saying it.....

7 But the LORD said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am only a child.’ You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. 8 Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you,” declares the LORD






She was never "only a child". As a child she would say things adults would struggle to say. As a teen ..well, I'm still trying to understand and uncover all that she did. Was she perfect ??? No..I never said she was. She was willing. Just like every murderer, thief, and (as the kids would say) ..."loser" that God somehow used for His glory .


"When the journey ends
There's a new beginning"


A new beginning sounds pretty darn good.




"When I was a child
I walked like a child
But now I'm a soldier
Like the Bride and Groom I will be married"

Those are some of my favorite words from this song The Other County....




Your eyes see the shining city
Your love heals the poisoned mind
When the journey ends
There's a new beginning
When the risen man
Heals the weight of time
I can feel it over the line
I see the other country
I see the other side
Do not be afraid of this earthly city
Do not be afraid when the pharaohs nigh
Draw near the lambs awaiting
Where the river runs thru the sky's align
From that painting of a ship
We have all been chosen
To the painters creation
In his dream design
I can feel it over the line
I see the other country
I see the other side
Do not be afraid of this earthly city
Do not be afraid when the pharaohs nigh
When I was a child
I walked like a child
But now I'm a soldier
Like the Bride and Groom I will be married
I see the other country
I see the other side
Do not be afraid of this earthly city
Do not be afraid when the pharaohs nigh
Even though I walk thru the valley of the shadow of death
Even though I sink through the ocean
You will rescue me
I am standing in the fire
But I can hear the choir singing
I was a blind man stumbling
But now I see
I was blind, blind blind
But now I see
I was blind, blind blind
But now I see

My View from The View

These past weeks have been flown by as I have been getting things ready once again for our churchs Vacation Bible school. There was much to do since I was co-directing this year plus doing all the talking and leading the singing...and decorating...and shopping....its been busy! But it is worth it. The smiles, the singing, seeing the kids be moved spiritually....it makes everything else disappear. While I was running around my house yesterday, I had The View on just to have something to listen too. Barbara Walters was talking about Nora Ephrons memorial service that was just held. She said there were at least 800 people in attendance. She said those numbers were generally for Heads of state or dignitaries...and I stopped and said very loudly to the TV...OR My Beautiful Daughter.(who had more than 800) So then I looked up the definition of the word Dignitary

Noun 1. dignitary - an important or influential person ,very important person, VIP important person, influential person, personage - a person whose actions and opinions strongly influence the course of events






I guess Barbra was right.

Ray of hope

I hear people talk about heaven and I hear them say things like " when I get to heaven I'm gonna ask God"........ people have so many different ideas about heaven and what it will be like. In my Bible study I came across a scripture that made me look at things differently.




John 16 ...I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. 21 A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. 22 So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy. 23 In that day you will no longer ask me anything.


It's the last verse...you will no longer ask me anything. We will know. We won't have to go around with a list and search for answers , we will know...or we just won't care. Either way I'm good. Because it also says I WILL REJOICE !
This season of grief has been very hard, but I know I am still healing and learning to trust. My little girls have had Rach on their hearts so much lately ( I can tell by the conversations they have about her). They are lighthearted, and full of smiles as they share their memories. I am so thankful that they are willing to share...things sometimes get so dark and muddied up. Their memories are like a ray of light that cuts right thru and leads me to that place ...where my heart longs to be.







This photo was taken Sunday night after I spoke at church. I noticed the sky as soon as I walked out of church. I dropped the girls off at home and went to Rachels garden. When I got to the end of our road, the sun was blazing through the trees. This is a where I look , or sometimes avoid looking...everyday. This is where our lives were changed.

Talking the talk

Tonight I will do something I haven't done in a while. I will be bringing the message in our new contemporary worship at my church. When I was asked weeks ago if I would go in the rotation to speak, I was thrilled. My head has been spinning with thoughts on what to talk about. God has been so good to me . Now as I sit and get ready to pull all my thoughts together, I am feeling a little anxious. But then I am reminded of the Large group of people I spoke to and pleaded with at my daughters funeral. Surely,with Gods help, I can manage a small group. I wrestled with how much of my personal testimony I should give. Losing my child and all that has happened since then, are so much a part of who I am. How could I not include her? I am going to try to keep it light. I mainly just want to do it the way God wants it done.
I went to a online page for our church and I found this photo of my sweet child working the computer.




Hmmmmm. I wonder what You see in it??????


I am also on our praise team , so out of the corner of my eye I catch glimpses of her working the computer...just like her big sister did. There are times when it envelopes me like the best hug, and there are times when it almost drops me to my knees.
I am praying tonight that more than anything the people might be able to say what Job said " My ears had heard of you ...but know my eyes have seen you"

Until Then

I try to start my mornings by reading the Bible, even if only a few verses. There are also several Christian blogs I read too for inspiration. One of them is called The Daily Spurgeon. Charles Spurgeon is a Baptist preacher from the 1800's. His writings are so beautiful . The following words were read at his graveside . I share them with you today in memory of Rachel, sweet Amanda as her family tells her "goodnight " and everyone else that you and I carry so dear in our heart.


We bid thee not “Farewell,” but only for a little while “Goodnight.”
Thou shalt rise soon at the first dawn of the Resurrection day of the redeemed.
Yet is the goodnight not ours to bid, but thine; it is we who linger in the darkness;
thou art in God’s holy light. Our night shall soon be passed, and with it all our weeping.
Then, with thine, our songs shall greet the morning of a day that knows no cloud nor close;
for there is no night there.

Here, for a little while, shall rest thy precious dust.
Then shall thy Well-beloved come; and at His voice thou shalt spring from thy couch of earth, fashioned like unto His body, into glory.
Then spirit, soul, and body shall magnify the Lord’s redemption.
Until then, beloved, sleep.
We praise God for thee, and by the blood of the everlasting covenant,
hope and expect to praise God with thee.
Amen.”

It only takes a spark

This past weekend I had the joy of watching 2 of Rachels friends from her church youth group exchange their wedding vows. It was such a beautiful ceremony. The father of the groom was the minister. He was also the pastor of our church while Rachel was in the youth. The youth pastor from their group gave the devotion, and 2 other girls from the youth group sang the special. One sweet friend was also a bridesmaid. Talk about bringing you back in time. So many others from that very special time were there in attendance, or part of the wedding. I grabbed a order of ceremony and of course the first song that was to played was LOVE NEVER FAILS. I wasn't sure how I was going to make it through the ceremony, but God allowed me to be there , be present in the moment, and drink it all in. I was able to see only the beauty in every moment , every minute of the ceremony. When I tell you I didn't shed a tear, I too found it hard to believe. I was moved beyond words at what was taking place before me, and realizing that it was something I will miss greatly.I think what helped was finding some of my old video tapes that I didnt even know I had. Seeing all the kids so young, and so sweet had really brought me to a place that I didnt think I would get see again. A place that my mind and my heart had not fully been able to see. I made a video of the video to share with you. Rachs brother is obviously the photograper, because it looks like his shakey work. Just view it for what it is, and what it means to me. Rach sang many times at this little church. She sang with me ,she did solos, and she would sing in the choir. The Lord of love has come to me....I want to pass it on. I told you to keep checkin in.....

Happiness is like a butterfly

As if getting through Easter by itself isn't hard enough, I was thrown into a huge pit thanks to Facebook on Friday night. Due to her page being inactive, they deleted my daughters account. I assumed that others writing on her wall would be enough to keep it going. I was wrong. I did have the option to memorialize her page , but then no one could have written on it. That was the reason I stayed on facebook. I loved to read the sweet messages her friends would go and write. And now, its all gone. The photos, everything.. I must have clicked on her link 20 times trying to see it.. I just couldn't believe that is was gone. Rach was gone. I did at least copy most of her pictures into my computer. I just wish I had printed out some of her friends post. Its going to take some time to work this part out. But God is so good ! He has filled my yard with hope.





I have about 20 monarch caterpillars grazing on my milkweed plant. My girls are as excited as I am ! I have never had a "real " caterpillar in my yard, so having the opportunity to watch that many miracles is amazing. I carefully brought some inside and put them in an aquarium to see if they will make a chrysalis. I have wrote on here many times about butterflies and how special they are to me. What a beautiful reminder of Jesus' resurrection too. I tried to hold on to all the verses and promises that I knew to help me get through the long hard weekend. My mind always goes back to Jesus and Lazarus. When Martha is talking to Jesus and tells Him if he would have been there, her brother would not have died. And then she hints for Him to ask God to raise Lazarus. Jesus tells her " your brother will rise again". and Martha says " I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day". Jesus says to her
"I AM THE RESURRECTION AND THE LIFE. HE WHO BELIEVES IN ME WILL LIVE, EVEN THO HE DIES; AND WHOEVER LIVES AND BELIEVES IN ME WILL NEVER DIE. DO YOU BELIEVE THIS? "
(John 11 21-25)
My family is always there with a hug, or to just BE there with me. I also kept the words to my favorite Easter song in my heart.
Arise my love.
My niece always sang this song at our church . She would sing it at our sunrise service too. This song was also sang at our church by one of my dear friends in the Sunday morning service the day of Rachels funeral. It was already on the schedule for her to sing it, and God gave her the strength to perform it.


Arise, my love.
Arise, my love.
The grave no longer has a hold on you.
No more death sting no more suffering
Arise...arise....





. ...Happiness is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it eludes you. But if you turn your attention to other things, It comes and sits softly on your shoulder. - Henry David Thoreau

High and lifted up

So the day after I post about my torment at the fair, I get an email from Kennedy's coach saying that she found a coach that will work with her on learning how to pole vault. Great! because that's not a dangerous sport...right ?????? God sure has a way of instantly putting me in situations that require a new level of trust. Kennedy has talked about wanting to pole vault since the beginning of track season, but had not even touched a pole...until last Sunday. We met the coaches at the high school and I tried to look normal. It really wasn't as bad as I thought it would be(for now). I watched as my daughter grabbed her pole and took off. She loved it! In no time she was inches from clearing the first bar height. She was even bold enough to attempt it in the track meet this week. I still have little twinges of uncertainty when I watch, but , when she turns and smiles and says " I love doing this" ..well ..that's good enough for me. I am so thankful for all the ways God uses my children to help me continue to learn how to live .






Sometimes I wonder if I'd ever make it through
Through this world without having you, I just wouldn't have a clue
'Cuz sometimes it seems like this world's closing in on me
And there's no way of breaking free, and then I see you reach for me

Sometimes I wanna give up, I wanna give in, I wanna quit the fight
And then I see you baby, and everything's alright, everything's alright

When I see you smile, I can face the world, you know I can do anything
When I see you smile, I see a ray of light,
I see it shining right thru the rain
When I see you smile, baby when I see you smile at me

We like sheep

I took my girls (plus a friend) to our state fair. The last time we went, Rachel was with us. I had wrote on here how hard it was for her to watch her little sisters ride the rides. She didn't think it was safe, she was afraid her littlest sister would try to stand up, she was a mess. Guess who was a mess last night?
It all started out ok, but then the reality of what I was looking at began to sink in. People flock in to these arenas like mindless sheep. We allow ourselves to be dangled by wires and chains, and slung around on rail. All of this put together and operated by people that we don't know anything about (scary carnival man) ... As I watched my child hang upside down with only a bar and a strap of material holding her in, I started to realize that once you've seen behind the curtain ( just like on the Wizard of Oz) you are never the same. Losing a child changes everything.
I also started to question why we were so willing to trust these strangers
with our life, but we aren't willing to do the same with God. We only are willing to get on the "merry go round" with Him. Anything that causes unpleasant feelings, we panic. But just for fun...let me get spun around so much my brain scrambles ..
Yes I know...its just a carnival...its just something I thought about..and just another way my life has been changed.



Psalm 118:5-6, 8 (NLT) In my distress I prayed to the Lord, and the Lord answered me and rescued me. The Lord is for me, so I will not be afraid… It is better to trust the Lord than to put confidence in people.

How Marvelous

I woke up very early with a line from a song going full blast in my head.
HE LOOKED BEYOND MY FAULT AND SAW MY NEED
It is from a song that I had played (as best I could) on our piano or organ when I was a kid. We always had one or both to play on. I remember playing this song because well, it was easy. Now let me back up to yesterday. I posted on my Facebook that the first concert I had ever attended was KC and the Sunshine band. I asked my friends to share what theirs was. As I was writing the post I added in parenthesis that "actually my first concert was the Rambos..you know Dottie"...but then I took it off . Well this morning as I was having my very early quiet time on the computer, I typed in my song because I was going to work it in to a blog..well..guess who wrote the song.. DOTTIE RAMBO!!!!!

The story to the song is beautiful

In 1970, Dottie began writing a song about the grace of God, but was unable to finish it. When her older brother was hospitalized with cancer and told that he had only weeks to live, Dottie sat by his bedside and ministered to him. Within a few days, she persuaded him to marry the woman who had borne him five children. Dottie read the Bible to him and prayed with him. One day, after singing at a concert, she returned to ask: “Have you given your life to Jesus since I’ve been gone?”

Eddie, 37, stared at her with sad eyes. “After the wicked life I’ve lived, the Lord won’t raise a person like me,” he muttered. He reminded her of his time in jail and his addiction to drugs and alcohol.

“The Lord left the 99 to bring a lost sheep like you back to the fold,” Dottie told him. She continued to pray for his salvation. Then she went home and finished “He Looked Beyond My Fault.” For years Jimmie Davis, the southern gospel singer and former Louisiana governor, had asked her to write a song to the tune of “Danny Boy.” With this song, she finally discovered the inspiration. Later that day, she returned to the hospital to sing the song to Eddie.”

We see people preach on TV and we hear them sing on the radio and we think they have these perfect lives. Dottie and her family had a great love for the Lord and it poured out in her songs, but their life was not free from trials. I think sometimes we let our circumstances keep us from doing what is truly in our heart. God looks beyond our faults, we should too.I know I have failed miserably at times when I have been so consumed with my grief, but I am so grateful that God could see beyond me and my many flaws and supply me with enough grace to tell my story and allow me be able to see the beauty of my childs life daily in my life.
It is a very short song, but every word is so beautiful.


Amazing Grace..Will always be my song of praise.
For it was grace, that bought me liberty,
I do not know, just why He came to love me so.
He looked beyond my faults and saw my need.

I shall forever lift mine eyes to Calvary,
To view the cross, where Jesus died for me
How marvelous, His grace that caught my falling soul
He Looked beyond my faults and saw my need.




Dottie was also known to rock the side ponytail..as did my Rach.
Thanks for the wake up call Dottie ..
.

Painted heart

A couple of weeks ago, I asked a very talented young lady at my church if she would paint a picture for me. I had seen some of her paintings and they were amazing. She is all of 13 years old . I have taken her to GA camp, taught her in Sunday School,and I teach her currently on Wednesday nights in Flight school. Her mother and her grandparents sang at Rachels funeral. We have a connection. I told her that I was going to tell her what was in my heart and I wanted her to paint it. I said "Madison here is my sentence that I say all the time"...
I carry your heart, I carry it in my heart.
Now go paint that for me. She did.







She brought it to me last Wednesday night, and it blew me away. The halo, the green butterfly, the yellow rose,...it was just full of symbols to me. Things that she had no idea about. The green butterfly- of course green was Rachels favorite color, but the way that butterfly is painted is what is so important. My mother had a huge butterfly IDENTICAL to it that she brought out to Rachels garden. The yellow rose instantly made me think of Belle from Beauty and the Beast , Rachs favorite movie. The halo, well, I'm sure you know why the halo was there. The angel wings covering the heart...perfect. I knew I would love the painting but I never expected it to be so personal. What a treasure . What a gift.There is a verse in Ephesians that talks about the eyes of your heart ...
"I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints"

I have talked many times about seeing things differently because of my grief. What a gift this young girl has. And what a gift she has given to me.



Open the eyes of my heart Lord,
Open the eyes of my heart,
I want to see You. I want to see You.

To see You high and lifted up,
Shining in the light of Your glory.
Pour out Your power and love,
As we sing holy, holy, holy.


I want to see you.

Where ya going?

I came across this one night while I was Not sleeping.



Autobiography in Five Short Chapters by Portia Nelson.

Chapter 1:

I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in. I am lost. I am helpless. It isn’t my fault. It takes
forever to find a way out.

Chapter 2:

I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the

sidewalk. I pretend I don’t see it. I fall in again. I can’t

believe I am in this same place. But it isn’t my fault. It still

takes a long time to get out.

Chapter 3:

I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the

sidewalk. I see it is there. I fall in … it’s a habit … but my

eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out

immediately.

Chapter 4:

I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the

sidewalk. I walk around it.

Chapter 5:

I walk down a different street.


I instantly could see how this related to grief, addiction, eating disorders...so many things that we wrestle with daily. After I read this a couple of times, I started to think that for me personally, parts of it didnt fit. When I had fallen down into my dark holes, I knew I was not alone. I did feel at times that people didn't really understand the depths of my pain.But I always knew that God was right there with me. I also knew that I would not stay down in that hole forever. Sometimes it just felt more comfortable in the darkness. I know you don't understand that. I still wrestle with being "out of the hole". I don't have guilt for not being as sad I had been(believe me, I still have many sad days)..it just feels like I'm not in my skin.That deep sadness is all I have known for over 2 years. You hold on so tightly to everything that you feel for the person that you lost because it almost feels like...thats all you have left of them..and you don't want to lose that too.The truth is, we all have choices daily that we have to make. Choices in how we treat others, and how we treat ourselves.
Proverbs 4:26 says " Ponder the path of your feet".
I think that best sums up what the poem was trying to say.
Ponder the path of your feet..

Her Guarded Heart

I have worried a lot about how my kids are handling their grief. I know each child is different; they are different ages and they are very different people. I know too that they have watched my every move and tear. The other day Kennedy mentioned that she got a lot of high marks on a paper she had written. I asked her what she had wrote about and she said it had to be on someone special. I asked well who was is? She said I wrote about Rachel. I asked her why I was just now hearing about it..and she said she didn't want to upset me. I asked her if I could read it and she said sure. I breezed through it trying to make sure that I showed NO emotion except a smile. She also said she had to read it to the class. Let me just say how beautiful her paper was. It was so well written. Put that aside..imagine reading it to your classmates. I was so proud of her. I was also relieved to know that my child is OK. I asked her if it was hard for her to read it and she said almost the very same words that I have said to people I LOVE TALKING ABOUT HER.
So here it is..in her own words..from her heart...her truth..

RA RA

A lot of girls or other siblings might find it maddening to have had an older sister; but not me! I had an extraordinary sister , Rachel Ann Clark, for the first eleven years of my life. RaRa was always into sports. Her favorite was volleyball. She also played soccer and softball when she was about my age.Unfortunately she quit her great talent for sports at the end of her sophomore year. One hobby that we have in common is that we have a passion for video games. I remember side by side with her we conquered Rayan, Mario, Catwoman and best of all Zelda. When I was about five, I played her gamecube so much she became enraged. For Christmas a month later I got my own Gamecube! We both thought Zelda was the best video game ever. Another interest we have in common is that we love to read. Reading is one of the many things that Ra Ra did. I bet she can read the whole Harry Potter series in one day!She probably read half of the fiction books in the library by the time she finished High school. Everyone that she knows remembers how hilarious Ra Ra was before she died. She would always take funny pictures of herself. Also she wasn't obnoxious about it like some people. Ra Ra also loved every kind of music. The only music she didn't care for was my favorite music..screamo music. Although she didn't despise it the way I do country music, she cold live without it. Speaking of music, I bet she had the best singing voice in high school. Rachel Clark is the most lovely girl that ever walked the earth. Never did she need make up to look beautiful. Greatly modest. Her hair was as gorgeous as a princess. It was brown, blonde and straight.Best of all, she had the greatest soul.
Ra Ra was kind,sweet, generous , a good Christian, and the best older sister ever.



After she read her paper, there was a time for questions. One of the questions a classmate asked was if it was hard to read the paper.She told them the same thing she told me..


Even in the depths of our sadness, there is a special place in our hearts that is guarded ..that is impenetrable by this darkness of grief. That is the place where faith, hope , and love are formed...
and the greatest of these is Love.