A different kind of September

So much has happened since I last posted. God has been so good to me. There have been two more precious lives that have been taken, and I have been wrestling with my own grief and wanting this September to be different.....it will be.
I have been awake since 3:37 . I know because I looked at my clock as soon as I woke up.
I guess I should say bolted up.
I had a Rachel dream. I have only had a few . This one was so precious. It was only a piece of a dream so it will be hard for me to explain it all to you.
I was at my parents house with the girls. We were upstairs talking to them . I say them because I really can't remember which one it was. It felt like it was both of them , but I could only see one child. It was at night and it was kinda dark in the house. I could hear my mom talking. I don't remember all of it but she kept saying "Rachel" in her sentences. Rachel loves you...Rach is always with us.. I remember walking down the stairs and stopping and thinking " I'm gonna see if she shows up"...weird huh.?
Well guess who came walking out of nowhere!!!!! Not from a door or hallway...it was just a really dark area and she was there. She had on her usual...T-shirt and some jeans. Her hair was pulled up ...and not a spec of makeup. GORGEOUS!!!! She sat down beside her sister (no one else saw her) and put her arm around her. I was talking to myself ...I was hearing my thoughts. I was so excited ..I crouched down on the stairs to watch. .I was saying I'm gonna keep staring at her and see if she sees me . You know how you stare at someone when you want their attention ???? (The whole time I am noticing every detail about her.) She looked over at me and smiled ....She sees me!!!!!!!!! Wow her teeth her white!!!! They are perfect and so white,. She waves at me with Both of her arms. I felt it necessary in my dream to note that. Then she put then both on her chest like they do in the movies for a dramatic effect and looked at me like Oh I love you so much .. and then with both hands she blew me a kiss. And mouthed I love you to me. I kept saying I see you ...I see you. It was magnificent. So beautiful.
I woke up immediately and was in panic mode. I felt like something was wrong ..I immediately started praying for our two sons who are both living out of town now...because I didn't know what was the matter. Then I remembered the dream. That's why I was so excited . It wasn't panic. And I just laid there going over it again and again . Afraid to go back to sleep in case I forgot any part of it.
She waved with both her arms .
And then I remembered my song that my sweet friend sang for me at Rachel funeral....
(Yes I know I posted this song last year on Sept 14...lol..it will always be with me)
This September will be different...and I pray that I am too.
**** I just remembered ******
The last thing we were doing before I put the girls to bed was trying to find a shirt for KK to wear with our school team on it. Hers from last year was way to small. All of Kennedy's were huge. I went and pulled out Rachel's "pirate" T-shirt that Kennedy wore last year. Kks face beamed when she saw it. She knew ..she said ... yes !! I ll wear it tomorrow !!! We all just stood there not saying what we all were feeling, ...just smiling and nodding in agreement.. getting to wear the shirt...Huge step. And doing it with a smile. So of course Rach was on my mind when I drifted off to sleep.



I wonder if this was the T-shirt she had on in my dream??????

Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed—in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed. 1 cor. 15:51



When I think back On these times And the dreams We left behind
I'll be glad 'cause I was blessed to get To have you in my life
When I look back On these days I'll look and see your face
You were right there for me

In my dreams I'll always see you soar Above the sky
In my heart There will always be a place For you for all my life
I'll keep a part Of you with me
And everywhere I am There you'll be
And everywhere I am There you'll be

Well you showed me How it feels To feel the sky Within my reach
And I always Will remember all The strength you Gave to me
Your love made me Make it through Oh, I owe so much to you
You were right there for me



'Cause I always saw in you My light, my strength
And I want to thank you Now for all the ways
You were right there for me You were right there for me For always

In my dreams I'll always see you soar Above the sky
In my heart There will always be a place For you for all my life
I'll keep a part Of you with me
And everywhere I am There you'll be And everywhere I am There you'll be
There you'll be

what a dream means

I have always been fascinated by dreams. Not just my dreams, but other peoples dreams too. I wish we still had dream interpreters like there were in the Bible. I think I spend to much time trying to figure out what my dreams mean. After losing Rachel, I went for a very long time without having Any dreams. It would just be black. I think it was my minds way of protecting me. I say all of that to lead into the fact that last nights dream was very intense. It was not at very long dream, but it was packed with emotion.
I was at a house that I did not recognize with a friend from school and my girls were at home(but not our real home) down the street. It was getting late so I was going to head home to check on them, I suddenly felt an urgency to be home with them. As I stepped onto the road, I could see the other house was only about 2 houses down from me. But as soon as I took the first step , the road turned into something out of a horror movie. Actually , it was everything from every scary movie ever made crammed into 20 yards of road. I could feel the fear and sense evil. It was as if I was walking down Satan's road. Just when I thought I was going to scream, I felt a tight squeeze on my right hand. It was so firm. And I heard a voice say, "you know I'm here. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand". As I walked I could see layers and layers of horrific images unfolding. I began to sing part of a hymn really loud and really slow.

O Jesus, Blessed Redeemer, Sent from the Heart of God, Hold us who wait before the near to the heart of God.

I made it (with the Lords help) to my house and to my girls. Then in my dream I began to analyze what had just happened. I told myself that maybe that small stretch of road was a symbol for my journey... how I had been through so much in such a short time. How grief has caused me to fear Everything and make everything seem to be so much scarier and more dangerous than others would think it was. But what stood out the most was the closeness I felt to my protector and guide. Was it the Holy Spirit? My Angel?

For it is written: "'He will command his angels concerning you to guard you carefully;

Psalms 138:7 ~ “Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you will revive me: you shall stretch forth your hand against the wrath of my enemies, and your right hand shall save me.”

Psalms 91:1,2, 10,11,12 ~ “He that dwells in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God in
Him will I trust. There shall no evil befall you, neither shall any plague come near your dwelling. For He shall give his angels charge over you, to keep you in all your ways. They shall bear you up in their hands, lest you dash your foot against a stone.”



I don't know. I just know that I felt safe. I felt protected, and I felt loved.
Love Never Fails.