Parades Pumpkins and Possibilities

Rach singing at homecoming




Today was our high schools homecoming parade and football game. I made it fine through the parade. I thought about Rach the whole time. She got to ride in a blue corvette her senior year for choir sweetheart.She looked so beautiful.Her junior year she sang The National Anthem with a small choir group at half time during the homecoming game. I thought about her tonight when the group sang.She was so excited about both events.There was just something about being at the game that was so much harder tonight. There is a song that the band plays after the "school song" called Slavonic.If you go to VHS ,then you know this song well. It is evokes all kind of memories. I thought about my years in school, and I thought about Rachs.I remembered seeing her cry when they played that song at the game her senior year. I could see her so clearly tonight even though the stands were so packed. I miss her so much. This weekend is going to be so hard. Homecoming, halloween, and then Rachs birthday on Monday..I'm already a mess. I am in charge of our church's "trunk or treat". The theme for my car is The "Bee" attitudes. Four years ago I did my first fall festival and Rach ,of course, was right there helping.She did the face painting and was awesome at it. She dressed up as a bee . That is how I came up with my car theme. KK and I are dressing up as bees too. For her birthday ..... I have no idea...My mom made a beautiful calla lily arrangement for the altar at church. Our secretary at church put a beautiful photo of Rach with a calla lily around it in the bulletin to remember her on her birthday. I was so touched. I was glad she let me see it early. I showed it to the little girls, and they LOVED it.I was supposed to sing Sunday morning, but I came down with a head cold and had no voice for a couple of days. The lady that sang at Rachs funeral is going to sing God's Still Faithful for us. I first sang that song with my niece Amber. It is such a powerful song. Then me and Rach sang it together. This would have been her 21st birthday. It would have been such a huge deal to her.Her friends ask me what I am doing for it...and I honestly don't know..We did the balloon release last year. This year it falls on a Monday..nothing feels right. I just don't know what to do.. I never feel like anything is BIG enough. I am of course so glad to know that others remember and want to do something...but I need to find something that feels right. right now it just all feels wrong..