I Wonder

I always wonder what goes on inside my little girls minds .I know for KK ,the 8 yr old, she was the one at first that was comforting us. She would say the most unbelievable things..and then she got to where she would leave the room if we were looking at Rachs pictures or if we were having a sad moment. That lasted for several months, and then out of the blue one day ,when we were in the car,she started talking about things she remembered about Rach. I think what struck me the most was the look on her face and the tone in her voice..and when she finished talking, she would turn her head and look up and out the window and just slightly nod her head ..and then she looked at me and said " I remember too"...I remember then thinking that I wish I could just see in that girls mind..Kennedy on the other hand...oh man....she has to have information to be able to process the situation..I know how her mind works..she needs to know ,so she can stop trying to sort it out..she is one of the smartest, loving kids..she has cried rivers of tears..from day 1 every night when she would lay down to go to sleep she would say " goodnight RA RA "..some nights I could smile, and some nights ...it was just too much..Kenedy loves talking about Rach..she can remember amazing details from things that happened when she was very young...I'm so glad...I said all this to bring us up to this week..Wednesday night when we were leaving church Kennedy looked up at the sky and in a very quiet voice said" every night I wonder where Rachels star is"... I could just hear in her voice that she needed me to fix that for her.... I think it was just the way she said it..I want to be in their minds...just sit back in the corner of their little minds and see what sweet memories they have..and see what they think about..I wonder if my being so honest with them was the right thing to do..I know that I am teaching them how to grieve...I also know how very much a part of their lives Rachel was...I heard Kennedy and KK talking in their room the other day..KK was wishing she had some boots that she could wear with her new shirt..and Kennedy told her "Remember we're gonna be getting some new boots real soon...it's almost Rachels birthday".... (Iwould get Rach new boots for her birthday, so last year I got the girls new boots)..I wonder how many times a day they think about her..I hope it is all sweet ...I hate to think that they carry around the same pain that I do ....they don't know everything that I know....they have no knowledge of the wreck, only that it happened...they only know she's gone... and know that every day ..every day....we miss her.