Carrying Her Heart

I am dedicating this site to my beloved daughter Rachel whose earthly life ended on Sept. 17,2009.This is just a glimpse of the path I walk through this journey of grief.

Friday, February 26, 2010

Did she find Him?


These past 5 months have been so full of emotions and memories. I can think back to the day the wreck happened and remember so clearly almost every minute of that day.Then I'll open a cabinet and ask myself"when did I buy this"?????I guess its just a protective mode we go in out of fear of forgetting.I remember so much about the funeral too.Even as exhausted mentally and physically as I was, I remember even the smallest detail. One thing these past couple of days has really been on my mind, and I keep obsessing over it.After I took the podium and asked the kids not leave the church unless they were sure that if the same thing happened to them ,their mother would know where they were(in Heaven), there was an altar call.After that it was time for everyone to walk up and have their last goodbye. I remember feeling the need to hug every person,or at least just look them in the eyes and let them know how much it meant to me for them to be there.I realize some of those people weren't there because of me or my side of the family,but I still wanted them to know how moved I was that they were there.As people were coming down the aisle, I noticed this young lady coming towards me that looked familiar.She and Rachel had went to school together since elementary.They weren't really close friends , but I have known who this girl is for a long time. She hugged me and could barely talk, but she looked very pleadingly in my eyes and said" I just want you to know, that I've thought about what you said ,and I don't think my momma would know where I am if something happened to me and I think its about time I do something about that." Here's the part that bothers me....I should have grabbed her right then and brought her to my preacher, or anyone ,but instead I just hugged her very tight and told her I was so glad ,and I told her to tell her mother that she loved her .Then she said" I'm gonna do things different"...I'm going to pray that God will put me or someone I know in this young ladys path. I just have really been burdened for this girl.I know I shouldn't be so hard on myself, I realize I get a "pass" on this one considering how hard the day was.I just want to know that THAT DAY did make a difference in her life.

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